cathedral painting — Journal

First, a brief update since I've been MIA for a month:

graduated with a Master's in Art History (Japanese Art History emphasis)
travelled to Thailand and Cambodia

Now I'm applying to jobs related to Japanese, writing, history, cultural exchange, and art... decisive as usual.

The point of writing about my painting is for exposure- to fight perfectionism. Sometimes, oftentimes, my paintings suck. After writing my thesis for grad school, I see how painting and writing are the same. As author E.B. White says, "A writer who waits for ideal conditions under which to work will die without putting a word on paper." So forget the migraine, the not-helpful single AC unit two rooms away (how dare I complain about having more than 1 room??), and anxiety about an interview on Friday. I'm not a creative genius. No one is, we have to work at it. It feels like I've never held a brush or used this ink before but it'll get better. My hands will remember how to control the brush and ink.

Working with your hands, or working in general, must be done with diligence and excellence: Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men (Col 3:23). In Art and the Bible, Francis Schaeffer expands on this and also writes on how to think about contemporary art:

“What is the place of art in the Christian life? Is art- especially the fine arts- simply a way to bring worldliness in through the back door? What about sculpture or drama, music or painting? Do these have any place in the Christian life? Shouldn't a Christian focus his gaze steadily on "religious things" alone and forget about art and culture? As evangelical Christians, we have tended to relegate art to the very fringe of life. The rest of human life we feel is more important. Despite our constant talk about the lordship of Christ, we have narrowed its scope to a very small area of reality. We have misunderstood the concept of the lordship of Christ over the whole man and the whole of the universe and have not taken to us the riches that the Bible gives us for ourselves, for our lives, and for our culture. The lordship of Christ over the whole of life means that there are no platonic areas in Christianity, no dichotomy or hierarchy between the body and the soul. God made the body as well as the soul, and redemption is for the whole man.”

While I say I no longer believe in the myth of the spontaneous creative genius, my actions suggest otherwise. So it was time to begin painting #2 of my series of 10 Nagasaki paintings. Since it has been over a month since painting and I'm down to my last precious piece of Arches watercolor paper, a practice sketch was necessary. When I practice freehand sketches, I always work from the top left to bottom right. Maybe it's because I'm a lefty. One look at the left and right side of this painting make it very clear what difference a few practice strokes can make:

Started at the top left with this sloppy cross:

Ended on the right, much different than the starting point:

Moral of the story: KEEP PAINTING.

The drafting table is now raised as a standing table (maybe hard to tell since my height doesn't change significantly from sitting to standing) which makes it much easier to paint!

How clean ((some part of)) our apartment becomes when I have a daunting task ahead is remarkable. I think I may be able to see my reflection in the sink! My eye shadow collection is immaculate. In the past 13 years of wearing makeup, I have never before wiped down the outside of every single makeup item. And why not dust the crevices of my jewelry armoire. I assume I am not alone in this "productive" procrastination behavior...?

I'm no math major but for 50 paintings in 2015, by the end of April (now) I realize I should be close to 17/50 rather than 6/50. But I've been stuck in the 1600s in Japanese history for the past month with some furious thesis writing and editing. It's almost done!

Anyways, slow and steady to 50. This is a painting from a photo I took of Urakami Cathedral in Nagasaki.

What is it : The statues (like the one painted) are post-atomic bomb remains from the original late nineteenth century construction (built right after the anti-Christian ban was lifted in Japan). The location was specifically chosen because it was for hundreds of years where local Japanese people (including underground Christians) had to annually step on a Christian icon to prove their conformity to government regulated Buddhist religion.

The atomic bomb hit during Thursday mass in the cathedral. When deciding about rebuilding it later, the government wanted to keep the site as a memorial and move locations, but because of the importance of that specific place in the hundreds of years of underground Christian history, the local Christians insisted to keep it there and rebuild it in its original location.

They're headless and are a visible reminder of destruction... but the church is back. Studying the history of Christianity in Japan, I'm reminded over and over:

Psalm 86:15 "But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness."
How different the same faith can look across cultures, and reconsider what is "normal" to me

My "productive" procrastination even extended to blog writing! It's been so long I got stuck mid-post. I started to read about WW2 writers, added Takashi Nagai's "Bells of Nagasaki" to my growing list of books to read after grad school...and so on.

Last week I read the book Art and Fear, basically a must-read for all artists and writers, which I had been putting off as if I had no fear in making art. The author read my mind, and it was comforting. The need for this blog for me to get moving shows how paralyzing that fear actually was! "I'm out of practice." "I haven't painted anything I'm thrilled about in a long time." "I keep messing them up."

"Your materials are, in fact, one of the few elements of art making you can reasonably hope to control... Uncertainty is the essential, inevitable and all-pervasive companion to your desire to make art. And tolerance for uncertainty is the pre-requisite to succeeding." (Art and Fear, Chapter 2)
I know Arches paper will deliver:

I moved from oil painting to ink painting because of the uncertainty. Ink quickly splatters, makes unexpected watermarks, acts differently on different surfaces, and forces my controlling nature to give in. You can go over and over an oil painting to "perfect" it, but you can't retouch an ink painting. That's the beauty of it! But each stroke can be paralyzing. What if I mess up? What if I ruin it and waste the past 10 hours spent on this? I will only learn by making those mistakes!

Summary tip for any creative activity {{ crafting -- cooking -- drawing -- etc }}
MESS UP. It's the best way to learn a craft. If it helps at all, I will admit it's terrifying for this perfectionistic control freak.